Into a new year . . .

As a new year approaches, I wonder what it has in store for me, health-wise?

This last year has been a total wash-out, especially this last week, where I was told I'd have to add Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, plus Lupus,  to the long list of ailments I already suffer with! 

There are times when I feel like going back to my childhood, with a shout of 'It's not fair!' But, of course, nobody promised me that 'fair' would be a place I'd ever get a chance to be comfortable with :/

As things stand, I'm busy fighting the fatigue, so that I can spend at least some time doing the studying I'm supposed to do, in order to complete my very last Open University course - and that's a whole other story!

There's one thing about spending most of your time lying in bed, and praying for the pain-killers to work - it gets you into a rather more philosophical mind-set than would usually be the case, at least, it does once the tablets have started to work. 

I've lost count of the times I've watched the wee, small hours drag past, hoping, praying, and sometimes pleading, for the medication to kick in, so that I'll have a bit of oblivion in sleep. But, of course, those were the days, prior to getting Swine Flu, when I was lucky to get 2-3 hours sleep in 24. Since the Flu, I have the opposite problem, and am lucky to be awake for 2-3 hours in a day!

When I look back at my life, there is such a very small window in it where I was totally free of any pain, and those memories are ones I treasure, in the hopes that, someday, perhaps, I'll have them again. Unfortunately, as the years grind slowly by, that hope gets smaller and smaller.

Where this last year has been at it's worse, I think, is in the profound changes being made to both the NHS, and the Benefits system. Dear Dave & Co., are having the time of their multi-million pound lives, making sure that people like me are ground down even more than our health makes us already, and the fact that we are having to fight for every scrap of help we need, just brings a heavier burden into our lives.

Little do these group of ultra-privileged men know how it is to be in constant pain, and with the ever-present worry of utter penury at the stroke of a pen, but they blithely go through life, telling people like me, people who, through no fault of our own, have become reliant on the state to keep us from both homelessness, and financial ruin, that we have to prove, yet again, that we are worthy of the help we need. 

As each year passes, I feel as though we are going back, instead of going forwards into a brave new world - going back to those dreadful times of desperate need, where every penny handed out has to be accounted for, and where it is only given to those considered 'worthy' - with the state of 'worthy' being something with moveable goal-posts.

When I consider how much money my husband is saving the state in his 24/7 care of me, without a break, or respite, I feel I could spit feathers - that, of course, only being done, if I could just find the energy to do so! 

But, instead of helping him to cope with the constant care he has of me, they have, in their infinite wisdom, now hounded him to change over to the new ESA system! Despite his own health problems, let alone mine, they forced him to have to leave me alone for hours, while he had to travel 22 miles to go for an 'assessment'. We had asked, and asked again, if somebody could come to our home to do this but, in their so-called infinite wisdom some, unnamed, person decided that this wasn't necessary! And so my husband had to abandon me, not only suffering his own pain as he travelled to this so unnecessary trip, but also worrying on my behalf, left alone for hours, as all our friends work, and there is no respite care set up for him to have a break - something else we can thank Dear Dave for! 

Anyone with even a grain of sense would have realised that, due to the 24/7 care he has of me, there would be no time, opportunity, or the good health, for him to be able to cope with getting a job outside the house - I mean, what part of 24/7 care don't they understand?

I've come to the conclusion that the lunatics have taken over the asylum, and that we're all going to have to try and learn new rules, rules that can change with a whim.

I feel like we are beginning to go into the world of poor Oliver Twist, as he asks for a little more. I can't resist the ironic phrase to end this with:

'God bless us, every one!'